Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
