i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
