the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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