New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
