You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
