she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
