As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize