when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
