yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
