none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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