I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
