The maid of honor just puked.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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