Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
