Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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