All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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