my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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