And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
