I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
smell my finger.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
