We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize
