The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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