I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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