You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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