Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
