I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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