cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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