Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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