Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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