Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
