oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
