he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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