i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
