they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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