I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
