Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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