I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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