"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
