Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
