im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
