The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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