Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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