I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
