am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
