Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
