I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
