Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
