New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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