Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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