he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
