I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
