My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
