I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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