I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
