pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
