nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Drunk is not a location!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
