So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
