It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
