And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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