girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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