Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
