She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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