Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
