is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
