I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
