i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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