When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
