lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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