I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
