we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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