check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize