She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
