hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
