Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
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