Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
