Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
