If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
