Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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