I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
