sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
