So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
