im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
