These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
