I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
