Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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