well you can't waste a boner
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
