I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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