that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
