Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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