he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
