Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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